The last memory I have of my father alive was two days before his death. My mom was rushing me out the door because I was running late to school, but I said to her, “I want to give Daddy a hug and kiss goodbye and tell him I love him.” Being practical and worried about the schedule like most moms are, she said, “You don’t have time. He will only be gone a couple of days and you’ll see him soon enough.” Feeling scolded, I complied and left, never to see him again in this world. A couple of days later, my mother dropped my older brother and I off at a Scout-O-Rama and she told us, “Have fun. I’ll pick you up at 4 on the way home from getting your father from the airport. Make sure you meet us in the right place.” We were there waiting at 4, and at 5; and finally at 6, a neighbor showed up, not saying anything about what happened, then took us to their house. It didn't take me long to figure out that I had heard the last words from my mother’s lips, and they were, “Meet us in the right place.”
At the viewing, I bent over to give my mom a kiss on the cheek. It was cold, stiff and unnatural. That was not my mother, where had she gone? When moving on to my father’s coffin, I could not bear to repeat that disturbing experience, so I just gazed at him. He did not look right. His glasses (which he ALWAYS wore) were not on him and his nose did not seem normal. As I pondered, they closed the casket and I was left with those final memories ingrained forever in my mind.
..................................................................................
Prior to receiving this last vision, I had been bed-ridden for 40 days because of my back. After being able to take the excruciating pain no more, I ended up at the ER on Christmas Eve. They gave me a shot, which numbed the pain for a few hours, but that night it became worse than it had ever been. Out of pure exhaustion, I was finally able to go to sleep. At around 3 am I dreamed that I was standing in a station, getting ready to board a train. The conductor came to me and handed me a ticket. The second it touched my hands in my dream I awoke, and my body started spinning. It felt as though I was going to be sick, so I rushed to the bathroom. The sensation was very odd, but the best way I can describe it is that something was moving through me, or out of me. It was very unpleasant. But it passed after a few minutes. I walked into our bedroom and realized that I was now walking. The pain was gone and I could finally move normally. After a little celebration, I got back into bed and for about 10 minutes I felt an “energy” in both of my arms. It was as if they were on fire, but there was no pain. It subsided and I went to sleep pain-free.
This is not like the linear visions which I normally have. It started as a series of images, short dreams, impressions and thoughts, and then I saw a grand view of the fruit from the Tree of Life. It was a perfectly round, glowing orb of energy... beautiful and perfect. Each piece of fruit had a unique "skin," which resembled various types of fruit like an apple or a strawberry. They seemed to each sing their own beautiful song. They reminded me of the glowing orbs and line of light in a recurring dream I've had since childhood.
After seeing that image, I found myself repeatedly taking some sort of test. I was moving down this path where I could vaguely see my mother at the end. But as I moved towards her, there was something blocking the way, and each time I got to the roadblock, I veered off on some side road (that looked like it had been worn down by use). I was frustrated because I couldn't seem to break free past the barrier. Finally, a woman of color who I'd never met before came up to me and said, "Do you want to know the secret of happiness? You put that roadblock there, and you can break through it."
So I went down the trail once more and this time, instead of changing course as I approached the barrier, I crashed right through it and was able to get to my mother. When I saw her, I sensed that within her was a piece of fruit that I had previously seen. It was beautiful and radiant, as was she. We did not talk or embrace like I did with my father when he first came to me, for I felt that this was meant to be a symbolic appearance which I was to study out in the future.
When I had passed this "test," I could hear a host of people who cheered as if I had scored a winning goal in a championship game. I was brought back to the woman, and she said, "Do you see how this works for yourself? It also works for others." I found myself with a neighbor who had left the Church. I looked at them and thought about what others had said about them. I chose not to believe the rumors, and when I did, the couple turned to me and gave me a hug and said thank you. I could then clearly see their inner "fruit" as well. This was repeated with a gay friend who I haven't seen in years, and a friend who is a "true blue" active member of their congregation. Each time I embraced the individual and sympathized with their respective condition, the cheers were heard all around me.
There was a great celebration about to be held, and my buddy and I were going to perform some sort of musical number depicting what we had discovered. I stood with him in a “green room” and I knew that it was now time to go onto the stage to show in an artistic manner what I had learned from this experience (and also what I had learned from the previous dreams). As I walked alone onto the stage (my friend stayed behind), the crowd started cheering. I realized that this was the same applause I had heard along the way, so apparently they approved of what I had been doing, and what I was about to do. The vision ended before I said or did anything else, but it felt like I was to creatively express what I had learned from this and my previous spiritual experiences.
And thus, the series of visions which began with my father coming to me ended with me seeing my mother and the precious, most desirable fruit inside her. It has taken years of intense study and reflection to understand what the visions meant and why they were given to me. I have presented them as “artistically” as possible, so that perhaps others may understand how the angels and the “children of the prophets” speak to us. My performances may have been less than imaginative, and perhaps led the readers to think that I was less than sane. But it is what it is, and I am what I am. If one’s heart is what matters most, then I do not hesitate to say that all of mine was put into describing what I was given.
There is much more going on right now than we can comprehend. A symphony has been warming up and now the instruments are beginning to play their music, in sync with God’s ever-beating rhythm. The trump has been sounded. While we are not mindful of it, our fathers and mothers hope to join in the chorus. Our music means something to them. How we play matters. Not the “quality” of it, per se, but our desire and self-initiated participation. If we step outside of the “noise” of our lives and listen closely, we will become at-one with the singular tempo. It moves us. It teaches us. It gives us strength and courage to do something which has not been done since ages past. We are being “filled” with the Light and Doctrine of Christ. The music is building to a crescendo, a fullness. The question is, will you who have so “abundantly” use your own God-given “talent” and bring forth your own “fountain of all righteousness?” Will you put aside your vain traditions and have true charity for those who are lost?
The music is playing. Can you hear it? Will you sing?
...................................................................................................
Upon your cheek, a kiss I pressed.
Your fam'ly all in black were dressed.
Nine years long my life was blessed,
Mother.
I looked around, my blurry view
Found Father lying next to you.
I cried inside: What shall I do,
Mother?
My heart is emptied out today.
Bright colors fading into gray.
Comfort, please, this child's dismay,
Mother!
The days of longing turned to years.
Will you come to ease my fears
Or wipe away these wistful tears,
Mother?
And then your husband came one night,
I saw an angel clothed in light.
The songs of scripture now you cite,
Father!
Ten more times, a message sent
Showing how we must repent.
Oh, the change, I underwent,
Mother!
Your closing visit was to me
The finest one, for I did see
Some fruit inside a shining tree:
Mother!
Within your heart I watched it glow:
A risen loaf--what once was dough.
Will you teach me what you know,
Mother?
____________________________________________________
My mother taught me underneath a tree,
And, sitting down before the heat of day,
She took me on her lap and kiss'd me,
And, pointing to the East, began to say:
'Look at the rising sun: there God does live.
He gives His light, and gives His heat away,
And people both good and bad receive
Comfort in morning, joy in the noonday.
'For we are put on earth a little space,
That all may learn to bear the beams of love;
And no command or constraint can replace
When we by our own pure hearts do move.
'God loves His lambs, each and every one.
In many branches He desires His house to build.
We can be the means whereby, my son,
The immutable vows with Heaven are fulfilled.
'For greater is the love of those
(While hoping for His presence, true)
Who give charity to lost souls
And the promises of old pursue.
'But a covenant cannot be taken
Or danced "for and in behalf"
Of those who've been forsaken
And now endure the fires of God's wrath.
'My child, search and you will see
The vow made with your generation
Which will release your father and me
To sing with angels His veneration.
'Then we, in turn will be deemed ready—
Having believed The Lord's words said
And in our afflictions having been steady—
To find the remnants of those widespread.
'So when our hearts have learn'd the heat to bear,
The cloud will vanish; we shall hear His voice,
Saying, "Come out from the grove, my love and care,
And round my golden tent like lambs rejoice." '
Thus did my mother say, and kiss'd me,
Then bid me to sing the ancient song.
For those who now taste the fruit of the tree
I ask: With me, will you sing along?
For what is giv'n to keep us in The Way...
A Standard that will guide us as we go...
That's all I need to know.
PT I: ORATIO INTERCESSIONIS
I. Requiem
Let us pray:
Grant them eternal rest, Lord,
and let perpetual light shine on them.
You are praised, God, in Zion,
and homage will be paid to You in Jerusalem.
Hear our prayer,
to You all flesh will come.
Grant them eternal rest, Lord,
and let perpetual light shine on them.
II. Kyrie
Lord, have mercy on them.
Christ, succor them according to their infirmities.
Lord, let your bowels be filled with mercy.
III. Sequence
1. Dies irae
Day of wrath, day of anger
will dissolve the world in ashes,
as foretold by David and the Sibyl.
Great trembling there will be
when the Judge descends from heaven
to examine all things closely.
2. Tuba mirum
The trumpet will send its wondrous sound
throughout earth's sepulchers
and gather all before the throne.
Death and nature will be astounded,
when all creation rises again,
to answer the judgement.
A book will be carried forth,
in which will be written
the fulness of the gospel,
according to the truth
which is in the Lamb of God.
When the judge takes his place,
what is hidden will be revealed,
and that all things which are hid
must be revealed upon the house-tops.
What shall we say?
Who shall intercede for them,
when the repentant ones need mercy?
3. Rex tremendae
King of tremendous majesty,
who freely saves those believing ones,
save them, source of mercy.
4. Recordare
Remember, kind Jesus,
their salvation caused your suffering;
even God, the greatest of all,
to tremble because of pain,
and to bleed at every pore,
and to suffer both body and spirit;
do not forsake them on that day.
Faint and weary you have sought them,
redeemed them, suffering on the cross;
may such great effort not be in vain.
Righteous judge of Israel,
grant them the gift of absolution
before the day of retribution.
They moan as one who is guilty:
owning their shame with a red face;
suppliant before you, Lord.
You, who absolved the adulterous woman,
and listened to the thief,
give them hope also.
Our prayers are weak,
but, good Lord, have mercy,
and rescue them from eternal fire.
Provide them a place among the sheep,
and separate them from the goats,
guiding them to Your right hand.
5. Confutatis
When the accused are confounded,
and doomed to flames of woe,
call them among the blessed.
They kneel with broken heart,
their contrition is like ashes,
help them in their final condition.
6. Lacrimosa
That day of tears and mourning,
when from the ashes shall arise,
all humanity to be judged.
Spare them by your mercy, Lord,
gentle Lord Jesus,
grant them eternal rest. Amen.
IV. Offertory
I. Domine Jesu
Lord Jesus Christ, King of glory,
liberate the souls of the faithful,
departed from the pains of hell
and from the bottomless pit.
Deliver them from the lion's mouth,
lest hell swallow them up,
lest they fall into darkness.
Let the standard-bearer, the chosen El,
bring them into holy light.
Which was promised to Abraham
and his descendants.
2. Hostias
Repentance and songs of praise, Lord,
we offer to You with all our hearts
and with all our might, mind and strength.
Let thy vengeance no more come upon them.
Let their trespasses never be brought any more against them.
And let them, Lord,
pass from death to life,
which was promised to Abraham
and his descendants.
V. Agnus Dei
Lamb of God, who takes away
the sins of the world,
grant them eternal rest.
Lamb of God, who takes away
the sins of the world,
bring them forth out of captivity.
Lamb of God, who takes away
the sins of the world,
grant them eternal rest forever.
VI. Communion:
Let eternal light shine on them, Lord,
as with the Powers in eternity,
because You are merciful.
Let our combined prayers enter into Your ears,
oh Lord of the Sabaoth.
Let all things wherewith they have been afflicted
work together for their good,
and to Your name's glory, oh Lord.
Grant them eternal rest, Lord,
and let perpetual light shine on them,
as with Your saints in eternity,
because You are merciful
and because of the covenant.
AMEN.
_____________________________________________________________________
PT II: ORATIO DE CAPTIVIS
The People
Help, Lord! Wilt Thou quite destroy us!
The harvest now is over, the summer days are gone, and yet no power cometh to help us! Will then the Lord be no more God in Zion?
The deeps afford no water! And the rivers are exhausted! The suckling's tongue now cleaveth for thirst to his mouth! The infant children ask for bread! And there is no one breaketh it to feed them.
Lord, bow Thine ear to our prayer.
Two Women
Zion spreadeth her hands for aid, and there is neither help nor comfort.
Obadiah
Ye people, rend your hearts and not your garments for your transgressions: the prophet Elijah hath sealed the
heavens through the word of God. I therefore say to ye: forsake your idols, return to God; for He is slow to anger, and merciful, and kind, and gracious, and feeleth sorrow for the evil.
'If with all your hearts ye truly seek Me, ye shall ever surely find Me.' Thus saith our God. Oh! that I knew where I might find Him, that I might even come before His presence!
The People
Yet doth the Lord see it not, He mocketh at us; His curse hath fallen down upon us, His wrath will pursue us till He destroy us.
For He, the Lord our God, He is a jealous God, and He visiteth all the fathers' sins on the children to the third and the fourth generation of them that hate Him.
His mercies on thousands fall, on all them that love him and keep his commandments.
An Angel
Elijah! Get thee hence, Elijah! Depart and turn thee eastward: thither hide thee by Cherith's brook, the cutting gorge. There shalt thou drink its waters; and the Lord thy God hath commanded the ravens to feed thee there: so do according unto His word.
Believers
Now I know that thou art a man of God, and that His word in thy mouth is the truth. What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits for me!
Thou shalt love the Lord, thy God, love him with all thine heart...
... with all my soul and with all my might. Oh blessed are they who believe Him!
Elijah
As God the Lord of Sabaoth liveth, before whom I stand, forty days this day fulfilled, I will shew myself unto Ahab, the seventh king; and the Lord will then send rain again upon the earth.
Lord God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, this day let it be known that Thou art God, and that I am Thy servant! Lord God of Abraham! Oh shew to all this people that I have done these things according to Thy word. Oh hear me, Lord, and answer me! Lord God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, oh hear me and answer me, and shew this people that Thou art Lord God. And let their hearts again be turned!
Angels
Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee. He never will suffer the righteous to fall: He is at thy right hand. Thy mercy, Lord, is great, and far above the heavens. Let none be made ashamed, that wait upon Thee!
Elijah
O Thou, who makest Thine angels spirits; Thou, whose ministers are flaming fires: let them now descend!
The People
The fire descends from heaven! The flames consume his offering! Before Him upon your faces fall! The Lord is God, the Lord is God! O Israel hear! Our God is one Lord, and we will have no other gods before the Lord.
Obadiah
O man of God, help thy people! Among the idols of the Gentiles, are there any that can command the rain, or cause the heavens to give their showers? The Lord our God alone can do these things.
Elijah
O Lord, Thou hast overthrown Thine enemies and destroyed them. Look down on us from heaven, o Lord; regard the distress of Thy people. Open the heavens and send us relief. Help, help Thy servant now, o God!
The People
Open the heavens and send us relief. Help, help Thy servant now, o God!
Elijah
Have respect to the prayer of Thy servant, o Lord, my God! Unto Thee will I cry, Lord, my rock, be not silent to me! And Thy great mercies remember, Lord. Thy watchmen lift up the voice; with the voice together do we sing and pray for mercy! Let us intercede for our fathers!
The Child
Behold, a little cloud ariseth now from the waters; it is like a man's hand! The heavens are black with cloud and with wind; the storm rusheth louder and louder!
The People
Thanks be to God! He quencheth the thirsty land. The waters gather, they rush along, they are lifting their voices. The stormy billows are high, their fury is mighty. But the Lord is above them and almighty.
Air
Hear ye, Israel, hear what the Lord speaketh: 'Oh, hadst thou heeded my commandments!'
Who hath believed our report? To whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?
Thus saith the Lord, the Redeemer of Israel, and His Holy One to him oppressed by tyrants, thus saith the Lord: 'I am He that comforteth. Be not afraid, for I am thy God! I will strengthen thee! Say, who art thou, that thou art afraid of a man that shall die; and forgettest the Lord thy Maker, who hath stretched forth the heavens, and laid the earth's foundations? Say, who art thou!'
'Be not afraid,' saith God the Lord, 'be not afraid, thy help is near!' God, the Lord, thy God, saith unto thee: 'Be not afraid!'
Though thousands languish and fall beside thee, and tens of thousands around thee perish, yet still it shall not come nigh unto thee.
Angels
Lift thine eyes to the mountains, whence cometh help. Thy help cometh from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He hath said, thy foot shall not be moved, thy Keeper will never slumber.
Chorus
He, watching over Israel, slumbers not, nor sleeps. Shouldst thou, walking in grief, languish, He will quicken thee.
An Angel
Oh rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him, and He shall give thee thy heart's desires. Commit thy way unto Him, and trust in Him, and fret not thyself because of evil-doers.
Chorus
He that shall endure to the end, shall be saved.
Elijah
Night falleth round me, o Lord! Be Thou not far from me! Hide not Thy face, o Lord, from me, my soul is thirsting for Thee, as a thirsty land.
An Angel
Arise now, get thee without, stand on the mount before the Lord: for there His glory will appear, and shine on thee! Thy face must be veiled, for He draweth near.
Chorus
Behold, God the Lord passed by! And a mighty wind rent the mountains around, brake in pieces the rocks, brake them before the Lord. But yet the Lord was not in the tempest. Behold, God the Lord passed by! And the sea was upheaved, and the earth was shaken. But yet the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there came a fire. But yet the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there came a still small voice. And in that still voice onward came the Lord.
Elijah
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but Thy kindness shall not depart from me; neither shall the covenant of Thy peace be removed.
Chorus
Then did Elijah the prophet break forth like a fire; his words appeared like burning torches. Mighty kings by him were overthrown. He stood on the mount of Sinai and heard the judgments of the future, and in Horeb, with the Law and Commandments, its vengeance. And when the Lord would take him away to heaven, lo! There came a fiery chariot with fiery horses, and he went by a whirlwind to heaven.
Recitative
Behold, God hath sent Elijah the prophet, before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children unto their fathers; lest the Lord shall come and smite the earth with a curse.
Angels
O! come every one that thirsteth; O come to the waters: come unto Him. Cry for mercy! O hear, o sing together, and your souls shall live for ever!
Chorus
And then shall your light break forth as the light of morning breaketh: and your health shall speedily spring forth then: and the glory of the Lord ever shall reward you.
The People
Lord, our Creator, how excellent Thy Name is in all the nations! Thou fillest heaven with Thy glory, and Thou granteth Thy decree to Thy friends. Thou comfortest our hearts! Let us fear not! Let us give thanks in everything and rejoice evermore!
Amen!
VIGNETTES
Lacrimosa
Recordare
Communion
____________________________
If With All Your Hearts
Lift Thine Eyes/He Watching Over Israel
And Then Shall Your Light Break Forth
_____________________________________________________________________________________
CONCLUSION
Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes? Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God? And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth. And now, behold, who can stand against the works of the Lord? Who can deny his sayings? Who will rise up against the almighty power of the Lord? Who will despise the works of the Lord? Who will despise the children of Christ? Behold, all ye who are despisers of the works of the Lord, for ye shall wonder and perish.
O then despise not, and wonder not, but hearken unto the words of the Lord, and ask the Father in the name of Jesus for what things soever ye shall stand in need. Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation before him. Be wise in the days of your probation; strip yourselves of all uncleanness; ask not, that ye may consume it on your lusts, but ask with a firmness unshaken, that ye will yield to no temptation, but that ye will serve the true and living God with all your heart, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit of the tree of life, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; yea, and it is the greatest of all the heavenly gifts; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.
Therefore may God grant unto you that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you; yea, cry unto him for mercy! For he is mighty to save. Because of the faith of men he has shown himself unto the world, and glorified the name of the Father, and prepared a way that you might be partakers of the heavenly gift, that you might hope for those things which you have not seen.
O sing unto the Lord a new song; for he hath done marvelous things: his right hand, and his holy arm, hath gotten him the victory. The Lord hath made known his salvation: he hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel: all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. Sing unto the Lord with the harp; and the voice of a psalm. With trumpets and sound of cornet make a joyful noise before the Lord, the King. Let the sea roar, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. Let the floods clap their hands: let the hills be joyful together before the Lord; for he cometh to judge the earth: with righteousness shall he judge the world, and the people with equity.
The trump sounds:
Hearken, O ye Gentiles, and hear the words of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God. Turn, all ye Gentiles, from your wicked ways; and repent of your evil doings and come unto me, and be baptized in my name, that ye may receive a remission of your sins, and be filled with the Holy Ghost, that ye may be numbered with my people who are of the house of Israel. Humble yourselves before me and remember that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me the fountain of all righteousness.
Awake, awake, stand up, O Jerusalem, which has drunk at the hand of the Lord the cup of his fury! Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion! Put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city! For henceforth there shall no more come into you the uncircumcised and the unclean. Shake yourself from the dust; arise, sit down, O Jerusalem! Loose yourself from the bands of your neck, O captive daughter of Zion!
